THE GIVER

Enneagram Twos have a motivational need **to be liked and appreciated.** Twos value relationships and as a result kindness, generosity and self-sacrifice are important to them. Twos strive to make the world a more loving place, primarily by offering support and attention to those they care about. At their best, Twos are unconditionally supportive, able to practice self-care and offer the gift of humility to themselves and the world around them. Less-healthy Twos may seem flattering and manipulative as they ‘give to get’, motivated by a deep belief that they don’t deserve to be loved for who they are.

GETTING TO KNOW THE TYPE 2

Basic Fear is being unwanted or unloved

Basic Desire is to be fully loved and accepted
Basic Strengths supporting, encouraging and recognizing the needs of those around them
Blind Spots include needing and seeking approval from others and being easily offended by criticism
Motivated by feeling loved, helpful, meeting new people and accomplishing goals
Drained by disregarding their own needs, feeling overwhelmed by other’s needs and rejection.
Best Jobs for Type 2: Non-Profit Leader, Counselor, Humanitarian, Religious Leader, Nurse, Customer Service Representative, Human Resource Manager, Teacher
Warm: Their demonstrative and warm nature makes it easy for others to connect with Twos and they are generally very likeable.
Giving: Twos are caring and have the capacity to anticipate the needs of others, generously giving of themselves to others.
People-Centred: The Two’s focus on building relationships will impact positively on their capacity to step into roles where client and people relationships matter.
Sacrificing: To support and be there for others, Twos will put their own needs and feelings on the backburner.
Praising: Being around complimentary, supportive Twos can make people feel very special, giving them a confidence boost.

RELATIONSHIPS

IF YOU LOVE A TWO:

The best way to love a Two is to help them love themselves. Remind them that they are not a bottomless well and that their identity isn't wrapped up in who or what they care for. Don’t just tell a Two to stop and care for themselves, though—help pave that path for them.

Type Twos tend to thrive in environments where they can make new friends and help others. They like strong, working relationships and using skills to serve others. Twos are related to best when people ask them to help with a personal problem, feel appreciated, feel listened to and appreciated. When I am healthy, I typically communicate well listening to others carefully, ask good questions, am a warm presence and am a helpful and empathetic listener. Unhealthy Twos become passive-aggressive or very direct and give unwanted advice. always puts their own needs last. They are the ones to help out as much as possible and they go to great lengths to do so. However, there is one downside to being a Helper. They often have low self-esteem, and they won’t be happy if they think they are not appreciated.

PROFESSIONAL LIFE

Twos work professionally best with others when they are appreciated. They also feel the need to be recognized and that others have their best interest in mind. They feel overwhelmed when they become too invested in colleagues’ personal lives. Work will sometimes slide when they spend too much time focused on others.

WORKING WITH A TYPE TWO

Communicating: Be attentive and encouraging; help them to recognize their own value.

Meetings: Listen to and engage with them; allow them to help problem-solve any issues.

Emailing: Create casual conversation while addressing the purpose of the email; include an appreciation of their hard work.

Giving feedback: Avoid being overly critical; instead, help recognize their contributions and share any concerns with sensitivity.

Resolving conflict: Address conflict clearly, sharing your own perspective and listening to theirs, while also helping them to feel loved and valued.

ROMANTIC LIFE

Romantically, Twos are healthy, attentive and caring partners when with a partner who reminds them to take time for themselves. They naturally care and give attention to their partners. They expect and need affirmation and good communication skills. Twos have a hard time in relationships accepting constructive criticism, expressing their needs and acknowledging boundaries. Type 2 in love is caring and generous. They will make their partner feel special, and they are highly nurturing. They will be the one to invite their date over for dinner and make them a comforting homemade meal. However, in relationships they can get pretty intense to the point of being clingy, possessive, and even passive-aggressive. From their partner, they expect honesty, loyalty, and commitment.

HOW TO LOVE, SUPPORT AND GET ALONG WITH YOUR TYPE TWO:

Demonstrate your love to them by telling them often what you appreciate about them.
Surprise them with creative gifts or time together that make them feel seen, known and valued.
Be patient and receptive, allowing them to talk extensively and process externally.
Paraphrase what they said to make sure you heard them accurately. Show the need to understand them.
Avoid accusatory words or body language that can shame or hurt them.
Respond to their thoughts with encouragement and affirmation.
Expect bigger emotions. Rising anger and tears are signs of unmet needs.
Twos are attracted to relationships with obstacles.
Twos will be upset if they feel overused and under appreciated.
Set clear boundaries with the Two in your life. This can break the trance of over-giving.
Expect Givers to get irritable or sad when their real real needs begin to surface.
Don’t take advantage of them.
Twos are verbal processors and need to talk.
They can take honest feedback, but can take it personally.

GROUPINGS WITH A TYPE TWO

To see more pairings by type, click HERE

*Words of Gentle Caution: Keep in mind that much variation exists within a “typical” pattern based upon the level of personal development, cultural background, gender, the influence of other types, and life experience in general. Thus the characteristics and attributes presented for each combination are typical or “classic” for these two types.

GROWTH

GROWTH AREAS FOR TYPE TWO

Remembering to attend to their own personal needs
Learning to accept help from other people
Understanding that their value lies beyond what they can offer others
Accepting and working through negative emotions instead of ignoring them
Learn to love themselves without being needed by others
Twos can many times be manipulating and alter how they present to others
Twos are often taken advantage of by others
Twos want to be liked and accepted by others and will adapt to make this happen
Twos also have a tough time setting boundaries
Look at what you need to learn from the situation
Notice the ways you give in order to get something in return

SUB-TYPES FOR GIVERS

The Gut Center {PRIDE: Self-Worth Increases or Decreases Based on the Reaction Given by People After Doing Things for Them}

SUB-TYPE: PRIVILEGE {COUNTERTYPE}

This countertype Two may mistype with Enneagram Type 7 or 6. They are “cute”, often child-like in that they are slightly shy but charming and inspire protective instincts in others. The SP Two wants to be taken care of but resists being dependent on others, hesitant and self-protective in taking on long-term commitments and responsibilities. They feel hurt or withdraw when they feel or fear rejection from others. Gains approval and protection by being charming or child-like. Attract love and attention through their childlike quality. Tender and sweet, but more guarded than the other Twos. Feeling of privilege comes in because of all the help given to others; expects others to meet own needs too. Might be easily hurt or withdraw when they feel or fear rejection from others. It is less easy to see pride in Self-Preservation Twos.
Might be mistyped as Type 7s or 6s.
SUBTYPE KEY: SEDUCTION

This Two focuses their talents, seductive abilities and energy on attracting and building strong, intimate relationships. In close relationships they are then able to feel trust and assert their needs more clearly. They are strong-willed, flexible and passionate – even wild at heart – which may cause mistyping with Enneagram 4. Highly devoted in close relationships, they may find it difficult to accept limits or take "no" for an answer. Generous, flexible and able to “seduce” selected individuals through high EQ to win their approval. Feeds their pride by having someone’s passionate attachment. Able to feel a wide range of intense emotions. Great empathy leads to ability to help others realise their potential, however, might have tendency to cross boundaries.
Might be mistyped as Type 4s.
SUBTYPE KEY: AMBITION

This Two uses their seductive powers in a more intellectual way to attract and engage groups, communities and broader systems. They stand out from the crowd, often taking a central or leadership role. They enjoy being ‘in the know’ and build their influence on their competence and connections. Giving more than they get may be a strategy to distract them from uncomfortable feelings. Less childlike than other Twos, their ambition and influence can mistype as a type Three or Eight. Good in front of groups. Plays the role of a powerful or intellectual leader. Have passion for power, and pride is expressed through having influence and advantages. Cultivates an image of being influential. Support others, ensuring loyalty and reciprocal relationships. Might be a bit more introverted than other Twos. Have a tendency to deny vulnerable emotions, such as shame, fear, despair, mistrust, jealousy.
Might resemble Type 3s or 8s.

CENTER OF INTELLIGENCE

The Heart Center

The Heart Center (or Feeling Center) is home to enneagram types 2, 3, and 4.
While these numbers all seem rather different, they share them same heart instincts (as opposed to the gut or head centers.)

2’s, 3’s, and 4’s all take in life through their feelings (with their heart) and generally respond based on what their feelings are telling them to do.

2’s, 3’s, and 4’s are all:
Concerned with: Image
Seeking: Attention

Underlying Issue: Shame

Each of these enneagram types all deal with shame as their heart center issue. However, each type deals with the shame very differently.

2’s tend to focus their feelings outward (in hopes of not feeling shame)
3’s tend to deny their feelings (in hopes of resisting shame)
4’s tend to focus their feelings inward ( in hopes of avoiding deeper shame)

Advice for those in the Heart Center

Instead of acting quickly based on your feelings, allow yourself to think first. Think about how your shame (which is likely the deep underlying cause of your feeling reaction) affects you and those around you.

MOMENTS OF STRESS AND INTEGRATION

When 2’s are stressed, they first dip into their unhealthy traits as a 2 (prideful, manipulative, martyrish). However, after that level, if they are still stressed or the stress increases they will move towards type 8 and pick up the average to unhealthy traits of 8.

Average to unhealthy traits of 8 include: being aggressive, demanding, argumentative, controlling, and blunt.

Type 2’s can use their stress number in healthy ways by making use of the healthier traits of 8. This can mean being more direct with their needs (no being the martyr), being decisive on what they need, protective of what is important and needed for them.

Quick tips for 2’s in stress: Be direct and ask for some self-care time just for you. Do something alone just for yourself. Do some kick boxing (or other physical activity) to get some of the pent up aggression out.

How can you beat stress?

Cook a delicious healthy supper for yourself
Go for a massage to show yourself some love
Say no to a friend who wants you to help them on a night you are feeling exhausted
Try art or music therapy
Buy some new clothes for yourself
Take part in a sport or exercise program to honour your body

Growth for a Type 2

When moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), prideful, self-deceptive Twos become more self-nurturing and emotionally aware, like healthy Fours.

Growth Recommendations for the Type Two

Try to become more conscious of your own motives when you decide to help someone.
While there are many things you might want to do for people, it is often better to ask them what they really need first.
Resist the temptation to call attention to yourself and your good works. After you have done something for others, do not remind them about it. Let it be.
Learn to recognize the affection and good wishes of others, even when these are not in terms that you are familiar with.
Sensing others’ needs and jumping in to fulfill those needs. Simply stop to sense in your body and notice how quickly you move forward with active energy to help others often without reflecting if this is really best or fulfilling for the other.
Indispensability. Simply stop to notice your pride in fulfilling others needs and how this imperative drives your giving.
Own needs and desires. Simply stop to ask yourself, “Have I been tending to my own needs and desires and receiving from others?” If not, work at allowing this precious gift to self and to others into your daily life.

Learn to draw clearer boundaries for yourself (and others) (like a Type 1) and do not cross other people’s boundaries (and likewise, do not let them cross yours). Be focused on the goal even without receiving frequent affirmation by others (towards Type 3). Also, it’s time to be more in touch with your own emotional needs (towards Type 4) and learn to assert yourself and become more independent (towards Type 8).

WINGS FOR TYPE 2

IMPORTANCE OF WINGS

Understanding Enneagram wings is important because **the wings of each personality type affect each type in significant ways and can be used to understand the motivations of an individual further.** Recognizing each enneagram wing’s influence can help you avoid their weaknesses or lean into their strengths when needed. The wings of each type can seemingly contradict the dominant Enneagram personality types they are attached to. Learning about enneagram wings can help you discover, enhance your journey of self-discovery, better understand others, and strengthen relationships. Once you understand your Enneagram wing type, you can use the knowledge you’ve gained to better yourself as a person by recognizing your behaviors. This process can help you develop desirable qualities so that you avoid blindly hurting yourself and others.

WING OVERVIEW | TYPE 2 | GIVER

THE COMPANION

2W1’s tend to be altruistic and purposeful in their behavior. They have the will to alleviate human suffering and are generally more quiet and reserved than other twos.
Fear being unwanted by those they love. They tend to take on a caretaker role to serve others and avoid feelings of insecurity.They desire love and acceptance above all else. They are service-oriented and humble, seeking to help better the lives of those in their community.
Companions tend to stifle and repress their negative emotions and personal desires. They may feel internally conflicted as they work to meet everyone else’s needs but their own.
STRENGTHS
Recognizing the needs of othe
Awareness of their own growth areas
Focusing and giving attention to present tasks
Offering support and encouragement
WEAKNESSES
Being highly self-critical or insecure in trying times
Seeking praise from others
Ignoring and sacrificing their own personal needs
Difficulty facing criticism from other people
MOTIVATIONS
Solving problems and accomplishing goals
Personal time to recharge
Feeling needed and accepted
Volunteering and serving others
STRESSORS
Harsh criticism from others
Ignoring their own personal needs
Feeling unhelpful and unwanted
Self-induced guilt and shame
THE GIVER

Twos want to be liked and will go to great lengths to meet the needs of others in a helpful, supportive and empathic way. They tend to be people-oriented and build relationships that provide the affirmation they need. As a result Twos tend to over-involve themselves in other people’s projects, lives and issues, at times uninvited and intrusively. Although Twos are giving and warm, they are also highly sensitive to not being appreciated and may become very angry.
THE HOST

2W3’S tend to be ambitious, altruistic, and sociable in their behavior. They love building connections with others and helping to make a difference in the world.
They fear being unwanted or worthless. They usually avoid this by building personal connections with others and working hard to meet the needs of the community. Their most basic desire is to be loved and accepted. They may express this by being extremely attentive and attached to other people.
Hosts tend to suppress their own negative emotions, which, when done frequently, can lead to high levels of stress or unexpected outbursts.
STRENGTHS
Building deep, personal connections
Being adaptable in stressful situations
Communicating clearly and effectively
Passion for serving others
Optimistic world-view and upbeat attitude
WEAKNESSES
Tendency to be overly competitive or obsessive
Not acknowledging their own needs
Taking criticism personally
Criticizing themselves and others when under pressure
MOTIVATIONS
Making a measurable difference
Taking time to care for themselves
Organizing and leading groups
Meeting and getting to know new people
STRESSORS
Taking time to care for themselves
Organizing and leading groups
Meeting and getting to know new people