GETTING TO KNOW…
Enneagram Fours have the motivational need to express their uniqueness and be authentic. Fours value individualism and as a result, feelings, self-expression and purpose will be important to them. They are quite romantic at heart and appreciate beauty and creating meaning for themselves and for others. At their best, Fours are experienced as sensitive yet content. They offer the gift of equanimity and authenticity to themselves and the world. A less healthy Four may feel misunderstood, while others experience them as melancholic and temperamental. This pattern stems from the Four’s acute awareness of their own wounds and flaws.
GETTING TO KNOW TYPE 4
Basic Fear is feeling like they do not matter and have no impact on the world
Basic Desire is to have their own identity and to be authentic
Basic Strengths are deep thinking, in tune with their growth needs and sensitivity to other’s feelings
Blind Spots are withdrawing in times of hardships and fixating on what they do not have
Motivated expressing emotions through art and taking time to reconnect with themselves
Drained by casual or meaningless conversation, parties and large groups, and being interrupted
Best Jobs for Type Four: actor, writer, artist, personal trainer, photographer, dance instructor, hairstylist, designer
Self-Aware: Fours are aware of their own emotions and those of others and seek to understand these emotions. This enables them to connect deeply.
Purpose Driven: Being attuned to what has meaning and purpose drives Fours to express their personal purpose and contribution to the world.
Inspired: Their creative and imaginative capacity enables Fours to give unique expression to what matters to them.
Sensitive: Fours are able to recognise what is missing and will dive into the heart of matters. Their feeling-based intuition enables them to be highly attuned to the environment.
Courage: Fours don’t shy away from suffering and the more painful aspects of the emotional world, and this gives them the courage to ask difficult questions.
RELATIONSHIPS
IF YOU LOVE A FOUR:
Having a relationship with a Four can be overwhelming if you’re not ready for the complexity of their emotions, but sticking with them is so worth it. Fours offer profound connection and gift other Enneagram numbers a safe space to engage with hard feelings. They know how to hold joy and despair in the same hand.
RELATIONSHIPS AND THE INDIVIDUALIST (TYPE 4)
RELATING TO A TYPE FOUR
The Type Four is always true to who they are in any given situation. Fours cherish beauty in all forms and want to be world changers. They appreciate someone who gets their “quirkiness.” The Individualists are creative and are in tune with their emotions. They are also known as romantics who enjoy arts, poetry, writing, and music. When you go to their home, you may notice dark tones and unusual artworks. They seek validation of their uniqueness, so they appreciate genuine compliments and words of encouragement.
PROFESSIONAL LIFE
Fours work professionally best with others who allow them to remain autonomous and just be themselves. They like to use creativity to express themselves and typically like building relationships with coworkers. They feel most wanted at work when they are asked to express themselves, boss gets to know them and everyone is genuine. They love being on the same page with their employees and hope that they have the same vision. They tend to have problems at work when they can’t be creative, are criticized or they are not taken seriously. They love to inspire others with creative solutions.
WORKING WITH A TYPE FOUR
Communicating: Avoid being overly logical and focus on sharing your feelings; appreciate their connection with their emotions.
Meetings: Be optimistic and encouraging, inviting fours to be themselves and share their voice.
Emailing: Keep emails to a minimum, avoiding chit-chat and making an effort to be authentic or expressive.
Giving feedback: Be sensitive with feedback; share encouragements and frame negative feedback as an opportunity for growth.
Resolving conflict: Openly share your feelings and connect with a type four emotionally; empathize without trying to agree completely, which allows them personal autonomy and individuality.
ROMANTIC LIFE
Romantically, Fours are emotional partners and work best when able to connect on a deeper level and have open communication. They sometimes tend to make impossible expectations for their significant other. They share emotions very well. Unlike many other types, Fours know how they need to grow to be better. They are, at times, moody and unbalanced. Separating emotions from disagreements is very hard on a Four. Type 4 in relationships is highly compassionate and empathetic. However, they do struggle with moments of melancholy, mood swings, and envy. Often overly emotional and sensitive, the Individualists need a calm and patient partner who can withstand their melancholic periods and acknowledge their emotions.
HOW TO SUPPORT, GET ALONG and LOVE YOUR TYPE FOUR:
Fours become conflicted when others do not understand their unique viewpoint.
Being forced to be like everyone else, being mundane and not able to be authentically me.
Others trying to cheer me up and not allowing me to fully feel my emotions make me feel under valued.
Fours do not like to be told that they are overreacting.
Expect mood shifts that are unrelated to what you do or don’t do.
Fours are reassured by your steady mindedness under pressure.
Expect pursuit when you are distant, push away when you are here.
Stay grounded in your own degree of availability.
Expect complaints when life gets predictable. Keep life juicy. It’s also helpful to let a Four know (without judgment) how it impacts you when emotions run so high and low.
Maintain equanimity during emotional storms. It’s about needing intensity.
Anger is expressed outwardly and sadness expressed inwardly.
Encourage Fours to slowly take in genuine, positive feedback and bring it to their attention if they skip over it quickly.
Give space in times of moodinessand once this passes, maintain equanimity.
GROUPINGS WITH A TYPE FOUR
To see more pairings by type, click HERE
*Words of Gentle Caution: Keep in mind that much variation exists within a “typical” pattern based upon the level of personal development, cultural background, gender, the influence of other types, and life experience in general. Thus the characteristics and attributes presented for each combination are typical or “classic” for these two types.
GROWTH
GROWTH FOR A TYPE 4
Growth for a Four comes when they can recognize and redirect self-centered motivations. Taking some time to reflect on the positive aspects of life with provide clarity. Fours should try to find a calm manner to slow down and help them process overwhelming situations. Also, once Fours realize that they can rely on others to help them work through various problems, growth with take place.
GROWTH AREAS FOR THE FOUR
Fours always feel like everything is their fault even when they mean well.
Fours often seem to be misunderstood
The biggest area of growth for the Four is ever-changing feelings
Fours tend to pay too much attention to how we feel
We must be careful not to over-identify with our emotions and use them to define our sense of self
Fours need to learn how to maintain a sense of calmness without being affected by our heavy emotions
We are eager to people please
Fours become overly involved and clingy
If we do not get the response that we expect, we tend to overthink
Tend to withhold themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective
Typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence and self-pity
Fours always want to see themselves as fundamentally different than others
Fours are acutely focused and aware of their personal differences and deficiencies
SUBTYPES FOR INDIVIDUALISTS
THE HEART CENTER {ENVY: Oscillate Between Feeling Superior or Inadequate Based on Constant Comparisons with Others}
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SUBTYPE: TENACITY {COUNTERTYPE}
Where some Fours are dramatic and emotional, this countertype has learned to live with pain, suffering stoically and internalising negative emotions, and wants to be recognised for being ‘tough’ and not complaining. Even though they are quite sensitive, they may be disconnected from their feelings and prefer not to share their pain with others. They are empathic and look out for and try to support others who suffer. Envy is less apparent in Self-Preservation Fours. Works hard to get what others have that he/she lacks. Withholds intense negative feelings from others, preferring to “spare” others from such emotions. Able to do so for the long term and be of support to others who are going through tough times. Struggles with wanting to secure material needs and at the same time find meaning in life’s rat race.
Might be mistyped as Type 1s or 3s.
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SUBTYPE: COMPETITION
This Four subtype is intense and vocal about their needs and feelings and are often described as ‘more shameless than shameful’ and mistype with Three and Eight. They tend to be demanding and competitive, escaping suffering by being the best in what they do. Demanding that others appreciate their needs may lead to a cycle of rejection, frustration and anger. Their ability to express these feelings of demand and anger may mask how sad or confused they really feel.Highly competitive and tends to make comparison with others in order to feel better about themselves. Can become unwilling to support others who want to achieve success too. May have an “all or nothing” belief when it comes to success. Very vocal about expressing their needs. More assertive and angry than other Fours as they turn their pain into anger. Likes and need emotional intensity. Tends to have the most drama in life.
Might be confused with Type 8s or Sexual 2s.
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SUBTYPE KEY: SHAME
This emotionally sensitive Four is deeply connected to their suffering. They find comfort in suffering and express it to others, often attracting support and admiration from others. They are not competitive, but have a deep desire to be understood for who they really are. They often doubt themselves and focus on what they see as inferiority; they make comparisons to others and blame themselves, triggering strong feelings of envy and shame.
Has strong feelings of shame during comparisons with others. Highly sensitive to own sufferings. Tend to put themselves in victim roles. Envy fuels a focus on shame and suffering. Does not hesitate to express these emotions to others. Not competitive, but have a deep desire to be understand for who they really are. Able to highlight to the group if it has strayed from being authentic to original goals, making them good “social policeman” or “social journalist”.
CENTER OF INTELLIGENCE
The Heart Center
The Heart Center (or Feeling Center) is home to enneagram types 2, 3, and 4.
While these numbers all seem rather different, they share them same heart instincts (as opposed to the gut or head centers.)
2’s, 3’s, and 4’s all take in life through their feelings (with their heart) and generally respond based on what their feelings are telling them to do.
2’s, 3’s, and 4’s are all:
Concerned with: Image
Seeking: Attention
Underlying Issue: Shame
Each of these enneagram types all deal with shame as their heart center issue. However, each type deals with the shame very differently.
2’s tend to focus their feelings outward (in hopes of not feeling shame)
3’s tend to deny their feelings (in hopes of resisting shame)
4’s tend to focus their feelings inward ( in hopes of avoiding deeper shame)
Advice for those in the Heart Center: Instead of acting quickly based on your feelings, allow yourself to think first. Think about how your shame (which is likely the deep underlying cause of your feeling reaction) affects you and those around you.
MOVEMENTS OF STRESS AND INTEGRATION FOR TYPE FOUR
When 4’s are stressed, they first dip into their unhealthy traits as a 4 (moody, temperamental, withdrawn). However, after that level, if they are still stressed or the stress increases they will move towards type 2 and pick up the average to unhealthy traits of 2.
Average to unhealthy traits of 2 include: people pleasing, trying to “buy” others’ love, testing the strength of your relationships, flattering others (in hopes of them returning the favor).
Type 4’s can use their stress number in healthy ways by making use of the healthier traits of 2. This can mean being friendly and spend time with those you love, giving with normal boundaries (don’t go broke trying to love others), love others with your own natural talents (loving them with things that aren’t unique to you can quickly tip you into the negative trait of two)
Quick tips for 4’s in stress: Give to others what you are naturally talented in (if you love baking bread then bake bread like crazy and give it to loved ones). Share your love of creativity with your kids or friends. Volunteer for those in need without expecting anything in return.
How can you beat stress?
Create something beautiful
Write a daily gratitude journal
Go out with a friend who knows you are awesome
Watch or read something that touches your funny bone
Share your story through creative writing
Go and enjoy the beautiful outdoors
Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you. One mistake Fours make is to equate themselves with their feelings. The fallacy is that to understand themselves they must understand their feelings, particularly their negative ones, before acting. Fours do not see that the self is not the same as its feelings. Always remember that your feelings are telling you something about yourself as you are at this particular moment, not necessarily more than that.
In growth, a Type Four takes on the higher qualities and behaviors of a Type One
When 4s are growing they take on the positive traits of type 1 (more objective, more principled, more disciplined). They are principled and have a strong sense of right and wrong. They are perfectionistic and well-organized.Fours need to overcome the longing for what they perceive is “still” missing and judged all-important, appreciate what is positive in life now as is, and accept self as lovable, separate from her/his identification with needing to be special. The biggest area of growth for an Enneagram Type 4 is ever-changing feelings. Fours tend to pay too much attention to how we feel. Even though understanding our emotions can help us understand why we act and behave a certain way, we have to be careful not to over-identify with our emotions and use them to define our sense of self. Four’s will also focus less on themselves during growth periods.
Personal Growth Recommendations for the Type Four:
Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood."
Self-esteem and self-confidence will develop only from having positive experiences, whether or not you believe that you are ready to have them. Therefore, put yourself in the way of good.
A wholesome self-discipline takes many forms, from sleeping regular hours to working regularly to exercising regularly, and has a cumulative, strengthening effect. Therefore, practice healthy self-discipline and stay with it.
Avoid lengthy conversations in your imagination, particularly if they are negative, resentful, or even excessively romantic. These conversations are essentially unreal and at best only rehearsals for action—although, as you know, you almost never say or do what you imagine you will. Instead of spending time imagining your life and relationships, begin to live them.
WINGS
GROWTH FOR A TYPE FOUR
Growth for a Four comes when they can recognize and redirect self-centered motivations. Taking some time to reflect on the positive aspects of life with provide clarity. Fours should try to find a calm manner to slow down and help them process overwhelming situations. Also, once Fours realize that they can rely on others to help them work through various problems, growth with take place.
GROWTH AREAS FOR THE FOUR
Fours always feel like everything is their fault even when they mean well.
Fours often seem to be misunderstood
The biggest area of growth for the Four is ever-changing feelings
Fours tend to pay too much attention to how we feel
We must be careful not to over-identify with our emotions and use them to define our sense of self
Fours need to learn how to maintain a sense of calmness without being affected by our heavy emotions
We are eager to people please
Fours become overly involved and clingy
If we do not get the response that we expect, we tend to overthink
Tend to withhold themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective
Typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence and self-pity
Fours always want to see themselves as fundamentally different than others
Fours are acutely focused and aware of their personal differences and deficiencies
SUBTYPES FOR INDIVIDUALISTS
THE HEART CENTER {ENVY: Oscillate Between Feeling Superior or Inadequate Based on Constant Comparisons with Others}
-
SUBTYPE: TENACITY {COUNTERTYPE}
Where some Fours are dramatic and emotional, this countertype has learned to live with pain, suffering stoically and internalising negative emotions, and wants to be recognised for being ‘tough’ and not complaining. Even though they are quite sensitive, they may be disconnected from their feelings and prefer not to share their pain with others. They are empathic and look out for and try to support others who suffer. Envy is less apparent in Self-Preservation Fours. Works hard to get what others have that he/she lacks. Withholds intense negative feelings from others, preferring to “spare” others from such emotions. Able to do so for the long term and be of support to others who are going through tough times. Struggles with wanting to secure material needs and at the same time find meaning in life’s rat race.
Might be mistyped as Type 1s or 3s.
-
SUBTYPE: COMPETITION
This Four subtype is intense and vocal about their needs and feelings and are often described as ‘more shameless than shameful’ and mistype with Three and Eight. They tend to be demanding and competitive, escaping suffering by being the best in what they do. Demanding that others appreciate their needs may lead to a cycle of rejection, frustration and anger. Their ability to express these feelings of demand and anger may mask how sad or confused they really feel.Highly competitive and tends to make comparison with others in order to feel better about themselves. Can become unwilling to support others who want to achieve success too. May have an “all or nothing” belief when it comes to success. Very vocal about expressing their needs. More assertive and angry than other Fours as they turn their pain into anger. Likes and need emotional intensity. Tends to have the most drama in life.
Might be confused with Type 8s or Sexual 2s.
-
SUBTYPE KEY: SHAME
This emotionally sensitive Four is deeply connected to their suffering. They find comfort in suffering and express it to others, often attracting support and admiration from others. They are not competitive, but have a deep desire to be understood for who they really are. They often doubt themselves and focus on what they see as inferiority; they make comparisons to others and blame themselves, triggering strong feelings of envy and shame.
Has strong feelings of shame during comparisons with others. Highly sensitive to own sufferings. Tend to put themselves in victim roles. Envy fuels a focus on shame and suffering. Does not hesitate to express these emotions to others. Not competitive, but have a deep desire to be understand for who they really are. Able to highlight to the group if it has strayed from being authentic to original goals, making them good “social policeman” or “social journalist.”
CENTER OF INTELLIGENCE
The Heart Center
The Heart Center (or Feeling Center) is home to enneagram types 2, 3, and 4.
While these numbers all seem rather different, they share them same heart instincts (as opposed to the gut or head centers.)
2’s, 3’s, and 4’s all take in life through their feelings (with their heart) and generally respond based on what their feelings are telling them to do.
2’s, 3’s, and 4’s are all:
Concerned with: Image
Seeking: Attention
Underlying Issue: Shame
Each of these enneagram types all deal with shame as their heart center issue. However, each type deals with the shame very differently.
2’s tend to focus their feelings outward (in hopes of not feeling shame)
3’s tend to deny their feelings (in hopes of resisting shame)
4’s tend to focus their feelings inward ( in hopes of avoiding deeper shame)
Advice for those in the Heart Center: Instead of acting quickly based on your feelings, allow yourself to think first. Think about how your shame (which is likely the deep underlying cause of your feeling reaction) affects you and those around you.
MOVEMENTS OF STRESS AND INTEGRATION FOR TYPE FOUR
When 4’s are stressed, they first dip into their unhealthy traits as a 4 (moody, temperamental, withdrawn). However, after that level, if they are still stressed or the stress increases they will move towards type 2 and pick up the average to unhealthy traits of 2.
Average to unhealthy traits of 2 include: people pleasing, trying to “buy” others’ love, testing the strength of your relationships, flattering others (in hopes of them returning the favor).
Type 4’s can use their stress number in healthy ways by making use of the healthier traits of 2. This can mean being friendly and spend time with those you love, giving with normal boundaries (don’t go broke trying to love others), love others with your own natural talents (loving them with things that aren’t unique to you can quickly tip you into the negative trait of two)
Quick tips for 4’s in stress: Give to others what you are naturally talented in (if you love baking bread then bake bread like crazy and give it to loved ones). Share your love of creativity with your kids or friends. Volunteer for those in need without expecting anything in return.
How can you beat stress?
Create something beautiful
Write a daily gratitude journal
Go out with a friend who knows you are awesome
Watch or read something that touches your funny bone
Share your story through creative writing
Go and enjoy the beautiful outdoors
Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you. One mistake Fours make is to equate themselves with their feelings. The fallacy is that to understand themselves they must understand their feelings, particularly their negative ones, before acting. Fours do not see that the self is not the same as its feelings. Always remember that your feelings are telling you something about yourself as you are at this particular moment, not necessarily more than that.
In growth, a Type Four takes on the higher qualities and behaviors of a Type One
When 4s are growing they take on the positive traits of type 1 (more objective, more principled, more disciplined). They are principled and have a strong sense of right and wrong. They are perfectionistic and well-organized.Fours need to overcome the longing for what they perceive is “still” missing and judged all-important, appreciate what is positive in life now as is, and accept self as lovable, separate from her/his identification with needing to be special. The biggest area of growth for an Enneagram Type 4 is ever-changing feelings. Fours tend to pay too much attention to how we feel. Even though understanding our emotions can help us understand why we act and behave a certain way, we have to be careful not to over-identify with our emotions and use them to define our sense of self. Four’s will also focus less on themselves during growth periods.
Personal Growth Recommendations for the Type Four:
Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood."
Self-esteem and self-confidence will develop only from having positive experiences, whether or not you believe that you are ready to have them. Therefore, put yourself in the way of good.
A wholesome self-discipline takes many forms, from sleeping regular hours to working regularly to exercising regularly, and has a cumulative, strengthening effect. Therefore, practice healthy self-discipline and stay with it.
Avoid lengthy conversations in your imagination, particularly if they are negative, resentful, or even excessively romantic. These conversations are essentially unreal and at best only rehearsals for action—although, as you know, you almost never say or do what you imagine you will. Instead of spending time imagining your life and relationships, begin to live them.