Midlife and Beyond

midlife and beyond 11.1.18

midlife and beyond 11.1.18

Sometimes very often we feel like life throws us a curveball or maybe even a strike. The older we get it seems we hardly ever get a “walk” or freebie that guides us on the path of what is right for our life. Enter Midlife Crisis. Most of us know it as seeing the guy down the street drive home in his hot, new yellow Camaro convertible with freshly painted over gray hair. Reminds me of the movie Father of the Bride, Part 2 where George Banks realizes he’s going to be a new dad again at the ripe old age of being a senior citizen. His journey to regain his youth acts as a catalyst for a kind of "rebirth" of his attitude on life. Ditto, George, I know how that feels. “Rebirth” is as good of a word as any to describe this whole debacle.

However, many times midlife crisis doesn’t present in such forms near as desperate or intriguing as this. So many of us internalize the crisis and don’t really ever show many signs of a crisis. We “mom” up and move on getting shit done like we are supposed to. All the while in our heads, we start playing out things that never got accomplished, things that got traded as we got older. Things we never did. Bucket list items become more prevalent. We start saying things like, “When I retire, I’m going to (insert crazy, off the wall idea here).”

Then, on the flip side, we also see things through a much more narrow scope. We see things that are important to our hearts. Things that we wonder why we didn’t do them when we were younger before life got so increasingly crazy, complex and demanding. How did so many years just fade away without us even seeing them? How did I lose myself along the way?

While I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, I do know that there are things I need to look at and accept at my ripe old age of forty-six. If you aren’t dealing with any of this crap then good for you! You can stop reading now. However, if you are and you have had that “epiphany” that there is more of you out there in the world then you need to hop to it! Many of us have already lived more than half of our life. Better get a move on it, sister. There’s no time like the present. Are there things you never in a million of your wildest dreams thought you would need or want to do before you died? No time like the present.

Maybe we feel like we are looking down the barrel of a loaded shot gun and feel like we really aren’t giving enough of ourselves to the universe out there. Maybe there were things in you that were hushed as a child that you never got to experience or dabble in? Nothing makes me more mad or upset to see someone ditch or gossip about someone who decides at fifty that they need more out of life or feel like they have cheated themselves. Most onlookers will say, “Oh, she is SO selfish. I can’t believe that she would do that.” Guess what? It’s not our job to judge, people. YOU know YOU. YOU DO YOU. God gave you a job to do…BE YOURSELF.

So, know at this point in your journey of “growing up,” that you got this. You are so much braver than you know. You deserve to be YOU. Everybody else is already taken, right?

Point of Reference: I had my first epiphany of midlife crisis at around the age of 42. I had seen it coming at 38 though. I prepared for it. I started watching my children grow up and start school and realized that not everyone was like us. Not everyone was comfortable, not everyone was hanging on the upper middle class crust of the pie. Not everyone got to choose between the dented cans in the markdown section of the grocery store or the name brand. Not everyone could even afford to eat, have shelter or clothe their children. And, get this…not everyone even had the same RIGHTS as me. Now, that is where things start going awry.

I also started realizing in those late 30’s that not everyone I came in contact with could even be themselves to those that they loved or who loved them. They hid behind walls and walls of doubt, self-sabotage, judgement from others, fear of ridicule and so much more. They had hidden themselves for so long that they had eventually turned into the person that they pretended to be…I like to call it the creation of themselves that they WANTED others to see. So, with that realization, I started doing some really serious soul-searching. What was missing in ME? And, oh, how the flood gates began to open…we will discuss more about that later as it could be a Lifetime movie.

All in all, today I just wanted to say I get you, I support you and you are the only you. You are the only one who knows what you need to have felt that you lived and died your truth.

Optional Reading: The Midlife Unraveling by Brene Brown