BITTER UNTIL THE END
Somebody needs to read this. You will never be enough for the wrong person; especially one that carries anger which leads to resentment. If you have never experienced resentment in a close relationship, buckle up. Let’s break it down as it is not for the faint of heart. While we can all experience frustration or disappointment in our everyday lives, not everyone can process it without being bitter or resentful toward the subject. It is basically like having a knife to your own throat. You are allowing the anger and overwhelm to take over your person and relationship. The outward waves it creates to those in its wake can be so very powerful.
Resentment can often show its sneaky self in sarcastic or snarky comments or backhanded compliments. It often begins as playful but turns to a nasty tone once the anger builds. On the receiving side, you may start to feel as if this person is starting to chip away at your own confidence, be unhappy for you or your successes, or just downright unsupportive. In turn, it can make you feel guilty or bad about your own happiness.
After being a part of a resentful-filled relationship, I had to do a deep dive into why someone would be resentful toward someone they cared about or loved. I always thought the truth of the matter boiled down to anger. Nope. Turns out, resentment is part of the “envy family” of emotions. Envy is related to perceived unfairness or injustice. And, that often stems from an emotion or experience that failed us once upon a time. It arises when we are experiencing dissatisfaction in our own lives. It's when we so badly desire and yearn for success, connection, or affection from others, and we don't get it. Then, the resentment unfolds onto the other person who has received the justice or success.
Envy is most often rooted in low self-esteem. Sometimes it is from early unmet childhood needs where the person feels inherently not good enough. They compare themselves to others and may not be treated the same. So, they seek to bring down the person who they perceive is making them feel that way. It’s as though the other person is responsible for the envious person’s happiness…because their own self-image is dependent on things outside of themselves.
Communication with each other, discovering the emotional triggers that lead to resentment, focusing on the good things, and learning to compromise play a large role in dealing with resentment before it tends to tear relationships apart.