Sixes, in general, are witty, warm, compassionate, funny, good listeners and engage well in two-way conversations. When they are in an unhealthy state, they quickly become overly reactive, skeptical, suspicious and anxious. They begin to question some while not trusting others. At this point, they typically begin to doubt both themselves and others. They crave people who are honest and don’t ply games. Type 6 or the Loyalist, is quite anxious. They desperately want relationships and don’t like being alone. However, it takes them a long time to trust others. They don’t like to budge from their comfort zones, and they also will take a long time to hook up with a partner. However, once they earn your trust, you never have to worry about them straying as they are incredibly loyal.

PROFESSIONAL LIFE

Type Sixes work professionally best with others who work hard, show commitment and are loyal to their colleagues. They do not work well with people who are not authentic or genuine. Being criticized frequently and harshly do not make well for good working relationships. Sixes are also not comfortable making quick decisions under pressure. Inconsistent and suspicious use of authority is also a red flag for the Six.

WORKING WITH A TYPE SIX

Communicating: Help them to feel safe and comfortable sharing by listening and offering support.

Meetings: Abide by a scheduled meeting time and be supportive and encouraging.

Emailing: Explain the purpose directly and practically, avoiding small-talk.

Giving feedback: Keep feedback on the gentler side; express encouragements and constructive criticism.

Resolving conflict: Calmly and logically address the situation and your own point-of-view; help sixes to feel safe and secure when expressing themselves.

ROMANTIC LIFE

Romantically, a Six has one main thing in mind…safety. In order to have a healthy relationship, they must feel secure with the person. This includes being able to share concerns without judgement from their partner. Type 6 romantic relationships are founded on trust and solid support. The Loyalist’s ideal partner is someone who won’t react to their anxiety and remind them that they are loved. Type 6 tend to analyze every situation, and they need a partner who can talk things through in the relationship. They often need a gentle nudge or encouragement from their partner to take action. They need lots of reassurance about your commitment to them. Try to be honest, loyal, and not too needy. Listen to their worst-case scenarios and then help them see the best possible outcome.

HOW TO SUPPORT, GET ALONG and LOVE YOUR TYPE SIX:

• Expect shifts of mood as certainty shifts to doubt and back again.

• Expect to be challenged and/or questioned.

• Spontaneous reassurance, romance, and surprise will work wonders.

• Sixes identify the problem areas of a relationship.

• Recognizing the issues doesn’t require you to immediately change, but denial creates mistrust.

• Sixes can attribute their own feelings to others. You can seem to be angry or withholding when it’s the Six who feels that way. A clear statement of your position is hugely reassuring.

• Expect challenges with softer emotions which point to their vulnerability and insecurity. Therefore, offer genuine assurances.

• A Six wants to feel value in a relationship.

• Encourage Sixes to act when they are overthinking.

• Answer their questions honestly and thoughtfully.

• Plan to reassure a Six very often of your loyalty and commitment.

• Be honest, clear and direct in your communication.

• Help them feel secure through hardworking, responsibility, commitment and trustworthiness.

• Listen patiently to their perspectives without forcing them to be optimistic.

• Show empathy, support and understanding of their struggles with anxiety.

• Encourage them as they grow.

GROUPINGS WITH A TYPE SIX

To see more pairings by type, click HERE

*Words of Gentle Caution: Keep in mind that much variation exists within a “typical” pattern based upon the level of personal development, cultural background, gender, the influence of other types, and life experience in general. Thus the characteristics and attributes presented for each combination are typical or “classic” for these two types.

GROWTH AREAS FOR THE SIX

• Try to relax and be calm before talking about issues

• Analyze your thoughts and see which are insight and which are projection

• Be open to views other than your own

• Be less defensive, evasive and anxious; especially when stressed

• Embrace the feelings that typically cause self-doubt and suspicion

• Rely on yourself for guidance and support

• Think before questioning or defying authority

• Take a chance on fighting for yourself before fighting for your beliefs

• Use your internal resources to handle life’s challenges rather than relying on outside support

• Be confident in your own mind and judgment

• Ask yourself when you will have enough security

CENTERS OF INTELLIGENCE

The Head Center

The Head Center (or Thinking Center) is home to enneagram types 5, 6, and 7.
While these numbers all seem rather different, they share them same head instincts (as opposed to the gut or heart centers.)

5’s, 6’s, and 7’s all take in life through their thinking (with their head) and generally respond based on what their minds are telling them to do.

5’s, 6’s, and 7’s are all:
Concerned with: Strategies
Seeking: Security
Underlying Issue: Fear

Each of these enneagram types all deal with anxiety or fear as their head center issue. However, each types deals with the anxiety very differently.

5’s tend to be anxious of the outside world (and thus try to isolate themselves)
6’s tend to be anxious internally (and thus are always playing worse-case-scenarios)
7’s tend to try to deny their anxiousness (and thus are always keeping their minds and bodies busy)

Advice for those in the Head Center

Instead of acting based on your thinking, allow yourself to “be” first. Think about how your fear/anxiety (which is likely the deep underlying cause of your thinking reaction) affects you and those around you. Don’t let that fear stop you from being your actual self with others.

MOVEMENTS OF STRESS AND INTEGRATION

When 6’s are stressed, they first dip into their unhealthy traits as a 6 (self-doubting, anxious, hyper vigilant). However, after that level, if they are still stressed or the stress increases they will move towards type 3 and pick up the average to unhealthy traits of 3. Sixes feel stressed when they are feeling unsure of themselves. As they get more insecure, they start doubting their internal wisdom. They start to see danger where there is no danger. Sixe's try to prepare for all possible outcomes, often focusing on the worst possible scenario. They seek the advice of as many people as possible, often ignoring suggestions they don't like. They are always looking for affirmation to help them know they are okay. As Type Sixes get caught in stress, they move to the unhealthy side of Type Three. They overwork to avoid feelings of anxiety. They are reluctant to try anything new out of the fear of failing, preferring the devil they know to the devil they do not know. They will take on a role or image to help them feel secure such as a teacher, lawyer, minister, or parent.

Average to unhealthy traits of 3 include: afraid of failure, dishonesty, image-conscious, keeping busy (often not even on the problem but keeping busy to distract from the problem), boastful. Type 6’s can use their stress number in healthy ways by making use of the healthier traits of 3. This can mean looking at the problem in more optimistic ways, efficiently working on projects, motivating talk (to self and others), creating goals and checking them off.

Quick tips for 6’s in stress: Create a check list of things you want to accomplish that day (or week) and tackle them. Journal all your fears and then write optimistic responses to them. Talk to trusted people to come up with a game plan to tackle the situation.

In growth, a Type Six takes on the higher qualities and behaviors of a Type 9.

When 6’s are growing they take on the positive traits of type 9 (more relaxed, more clam, and less anxious).

• Sixes tend to get edgy and testy when you are upset or angry, and can even turn on others and blame them for things you have done or brought on yourself. Be aware of your pessimism: it causes you dark moods and negative thought patterns that you tend to project on reality. When you succumb to this self-doubt, you can become your own worst enemy and may harm yourself more than anyone else does.

• Sixes tend to overreact when they are under stress and feeling anxious. Learn to identify what makes you overreact. Also realize that almost none of the things you have feared so much has actually come true. Even if things are as bad as you think, your fearful thoughts weaken you and your ability to change things for the better. You cannot always manage external events, but you can manage your own thoughts.

• Work on becoming more trusting. There are doubtless several people in your life you can turn to who care about you and who are trustworthy. If not, go out of your way to find someone trustworthy, and allow yourself to get close to that person. This will mean risking rejection and stirring up some of your deepest fears, but the risk is worth taking. You have a gift for getting people to like you, but you are unsure of yourself and may be afraid of making a commitment to them. Therefore, come down clearly on one side or the other of the fence in your relationships. Let people know how you feel about them.

  Others probably think better of you than you realize, and few people are really out to get you. In fact, your fears tell you more about your attitudes toward others than they indicate about others' attitudes toward you.
  
  Remember that there is nothing unusual about being anxious since everyone is anxious and much more often than you might think. Learn to be more present to your anxiety, to explore it, and to come to terms with it. Work creatively with your tensions without turning to excessive amounts of alcohol (or other drugs) to allay them. In fact, if you are present and breathing fully, anxiety can be energizing, a kind of tonic that can help make you more productive and aware of what you are doing.

  6’s need to notice the preoccupation with hazard and the accompanying over-imagination of danger and projection, pay attention to what is already just fine, become one’s own authority, and develop greater trust in self and others.